Thursday, February 7, 2013

Our "Outward" Man is Perishing...

"For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I thank God for this verse.  It is very comforting to me to know that while my outward body is perishing more and more everyday, my inward man is being renewed and restored by the work of God's Holy Spirit. 

This is especially comforting to me today, as I spent most of yesterday undergoing testing to determine if I am a good candidate for DBS surgery. 

I had to stop taking my meds at 6 p.m. the night before, and my test was at 10:30 a.m.   I was really unaware of just how badly my body has been destroyed by this terrible disease, but I had to face it yesterday. 

If I did not have any medication, I would be twisted into a horrific ball of knots, I would think very, very slowly and muddily, and I would be in a wheelchair when I did need to be ambulatory.

It was not a picture of myself that I enjoyed looking at.   I prayed through my tears, asking the Lord to help me endure, and He, of course, ever faithful, did not leave me, and neither did my sweet, loving husband, who shared the pain and sadness with me; quietly reaching out and touching my hand or patting my shoulder.   I could see the pain and sadness in his eyes as they locked with mine.

Finally, the physician gave me my medication and within an hour or so I was mostly back to normal.  I have knocked medication many times, and today I commit never to do that again.  Today, I am ever so thankful to have meds through the grace of God which help me to live a mostly normal life.   Without them, I would not.  Needless to say, it was a very humbling experience. 

It is hard for us to think of ourselves as not being whole and healthy.  We like to think that our time is unlimited, but everyone of us, is perishing on the outside whether we want to face it or not.  And if one has not dealt with the question of who Jesus Christ is, the inward man is perishing, too, and that's an even worse thing to contemplate.   Who do you say that He is?

I have taken the first step towards DBS and now I place myself completely and comfortably in the hands of my God and my Savior and await our next step.  I will rest in Him and think not about this life but the life to come and how I can glorify Him today with all that I have left to give, and He will renew the inner woman inside me...the important part.

Heavenly Father, I thank and praise you this morning for your faithfulness and the promises that you have made to me about my future.  Even when this life is over, you have a plan for me that I can look forward to.  So much of this life is disappointing and causes pain; thank you for giving me something to look forward to.  I pray that you would be glorified in my life today and that all who pass this way will come to know you as their Lord and Savior.  In your name and for your glory, I pray.


  1. Dear Sister Kim,

    I was not aware of your physical trial and it brings me to tears to hear of your suffering. I am in a position where I can really identify with your post here. I have been going through a different physical trial, but one that is still deforming and painful in the physical body. The one Scripture the Lord has been placing on my heart is exactly what you quoted.

    Interestingly enough, last fall, another sister in the Lord said she had a dream about me. In the dream, I was lying on a bed, almost in a fetal position, looking as one who was dead. Yet as she looked on, she could see that I was very much alive on the inside, spiritually; it was just my physical body which seemed dead. And the dream pretty much described how I felt. I am watching what can only be described as death literally work its way in my flesh, yet somehow by His grace, He sustains me. Somehow, in spite of the condition of my physical body, I live. I have truly felt, based on what God has been showing me, that it has been to impress upon me the very reality of II Cor. 4:16. The most important thing is the life of Christ we hold within.

    I will keep you in prayer for healing and that the Lord comfort you and your family during this time. May you be touched by His glory every day and may He continue to strengthen you to be a testimony of His loving kindness and grace.

  2. Dear LDM,

    Thank you for your kind words. As much as I hate this disease, I have thanked God for it because it has brought me to the end of me. And so, I find myself dying not only physically but finally, at last, beginning to die to the things the Lord has been asking me to die to. I wish I could say it had not taken this disease to bring me to that, but I cannot. I am getting close to the place where I can say whatever happens, I'm okay with it. Nothing is going to happen to me today that God does not want to happen, and He is Good!

    I will keep you in my prayers, too, Sister.

    God bless...


  3. I doubt you'll see this post tonight, Kim, but just in case you or a family member sees it, I'll be praying for you for your surgery tomorrow, which I read on Judah's Lion site.

    Please be strong. I checked out the many informative sites on the brain stimulation technique/surgery and there are excellent positive things said about it. It had a great success rate and it could be the miracle you need right now that will help the tremors or other symptoms you may have.

    I am just going to talk to the Lord about your situation every moment I get thinking again about you, as you are His child and He loves you. He was so good to me before my surgery and during this whole diagnosis of cancer which jolted me. It's the before, during and after surgery that we have to trust Him in, every second, and not letting the enemy of our soul invade our thoughts. Jesus is in charge of everything as we speak, and He'll be in charge tomorrow morning, because we all ask Him, as His children that He's right in that operating room holding your hand and guiding every movement of the surgeon's hands.

    And like a previous pastor of mine used to say, who knows, Jesus may return tonight!

    May the Lord hold you, carry you, bless you and fill you with His presence, your sister, Jackie.