Saturday, April 30, 2011

Walking in the Light - Updated

My son has had behavioral problems since he was a little child, and I have struggled off and on with finding new and effective ways to discipline and punish him. A few months ago, he had a issue at school where he got sent to the principal, and I had told him that the next time he got in trouble at school I would attend school with him the next day and sit next to him in each of his classes. I called the principal to make sure this was okay with the him. I received his permission, and I could tell this was a new method of discipline to him; one that he was quite impressed with, but he asked me to come in for only an hour or an hour and half and then we could make it longer if he got in trouble again.

So, yesterday, off I skipped to school with my son whose face looked like one of the thunder clouds that had so recently been seen passing over our home, and it just so happened that the class I got to sit through with my son was science and the teacher was teaching on light.

I learned that light reflects and light refracts.

Reflection is the change in direction of a wavefront at an interface between two different media so that the wavefront returns into the medium from which it originated, i.e., a mirror.

Reflection, as used above in relation to God, would be that as the light of God shines on us who turn our faces to Him in a direct angle, we become a mirror to the world and we reflect His image to it.

Refraction is the change in direction of a light wave due to a change in its speed. This is most commonly observed when a wave passes from one medium to another at any angle other than 90° or 0°. Refraction of light is the most commonly observed phenomenon, but any type of wave can refract when it interacts with a medium, for example when sound waves pass from one medium into another or when water waves move into water of a different depth.

I've been thinking and praying for God to reveal to me what the proper analogy is with regard to refraction. I believe what He is showing me here is that with reflection, we turn our faces in a direct angle towards Him so that we can soak up all the light that He is pointing in our direction, but in refraction, our faces are not pointed towards him in a direct angle, so the light bends and we don't get the full force and effect of that light.

This seems to be the state of many christians' lives because their eyes are darting around in so many different angeles to so many different light sources instead of settling on the light giver.

1 John 1:5 This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

Dr. Joseph Mercola a naturopathic physician advocates that for a person to get a really good night's sleep, their bedroom needs to be in total darkness. He says that total darkness provides the best conditions for deep sleep, health and healing. Being a person intent on giving my body the most desirable conditions to bring about health; I, of course, followed his advice and took out all nightlights, covered up the TV and bought black-out blinds for the windows. The room is completely dark, and he's right; I do sleep much, much better, but it is also pitch dark when I get up; say to go to the bathroom, in the the middle of the night, and I'm always afraid of running into something or stubbing my toe (you know how much that hurts, right?) It is very hard to get around in the dark!

Similarly, Dr. Mercola promotes Vitamin D3 as one of the proponents of nature which is very beneficial to our health and you need to be outside, in the sun, in order to take advantage of it, soaking it in; so to speak.
The public has been told for years that being in the sun is very dangerous to our health in that it causes skin cancer. Personally, I believe that being in the sun is healthy as long as we have a healthy attitude to it and don't spend prolonged time in it every day.

Likewise, we can look at our spiritual lives in relation to sleeping in the darkness and soaking in the sunlight. If we are not in relationship with God, through His son Jesus Christ, we are literally walking through life in the darkness, and we are subject not just to stubbing a toe or running into something, but we are in danger of falling, being run over, or even drowning in an unseen body of water.

However, if we are sitting in the presence of God daily, soaking up His light, we are filling ourselves with the knowledge of Him who is our life, breath and strength which promotes a healthy spiritual life.

The darkness of sin and death is growing around us, and walking in the light of God's love, direction, admonition and correction is the only way to get through it.

My prayer today, Lord, is that you will inspire me to look upon you, to soak up your life-giving light. I ask that I would not hide your light from those around me butthat I might put it out there on a lampstand for all those who are in darkness to see and be drawn to. Father, the time is growing short and your Word directs those who believe in you, love you and follow you to go and tell others about you and the freedom you have to offer. I pray in Jesus' name that the people who love you and are called according to your purpose will be filled anew today with your holy spirit, the spirit of power and of love. Give us a boldness in speaking the truth in love to others. Give us merciful hearts and a willingness to forgive all who transgress against us. May your will be done today on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.

T. Austin-Sparks has a wonderful on-line devotional, and today's was about God and light. I add it here for your consideration.

3 May
.by Daily Open Windows on Tuesday, May 3, 2011 at 5:57am.God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:5)

Light is transparency; light is clearness; light is absolute purity; light is honesty; light is openness of character. Light hides nothing; its whole action and nature is contrary to hiding anything. It has nothing to hide; it shows everything; it shows all: in other words, it is not deceitful. It does not want to cover anything, or to pretend or make believe that something is other than what it is. Light is single; it is not double; there is no duplicity about light. And light is just - light! There is “no darkness at all” where there is light.... How many shades and aspects of darkness there are! - a whole vocabulary of words. The Spirit has come to bring all that to an end by applying the Cross, in which it was all brought to an end in the Person of the Lord Jesus; to work out the meaning of the Cross in our lives, so that everything that belongs to that kingdom of darkness is removed: so that in the end, with us too, there is no darkness at all. Is that really what we think of, when we think of having, receiving, and being filled with the Holy Spirit? Here again, perhaps, a little re-shaping of our ideas is called for. It is true that He is many other things, as well as light: He is the Spirit of Power, He is the Spirit of Wisdom; yes, He is many other things; but, with them all, He is this. And we must not make more of those “demonstration” aspects of the Spirit, in power, in gifts and capacities, in works, than we do of His character side. If He really does His work in you and in me, He will make us to be people who can bear to be “looked into” without any fear, without any drawing of the blinds. Our lives and our motives will bear looking into.

By T. Austin-Sparks from: The Holy Spirit, the Church, and the Nations - Chapter 5


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Asleep in the Storm

Don't you love going to sleep to the sound of a quiet, calm rain hitting against your windows and falling softly outside? On the other hand, when it's lightning and the thunder is rolling and the wind is blowing so hard you think your roof's going to fly off, sleep doesn't come so easily.

Because of social media, namely, Facebook, I became friends with a wonderful pastor in Indonesia, whose name is Zac Loh. He posts the most profound thoughts which truly have been helping me grow in my faith. He posted this today:

Text: Matthew 8:23-27

“why are you fearful, O you of little faith?”

One wonders: "How could Jesus have made such a statement? Didn’t He know that the boat was covered with the waves?"

1. Hear And Obey

You and I would’ve been fearful being in that same boat. But if you and I had the faith like He had, we wouldn’t be fearful. How then can you and I have the faith to be asleep in the storm?

So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. (Romans 10:17)

Faith comes by hearing. But faith takes control when you are obeying.

There is such a great power in faith. Jesus was sleeping at the resting place of faith. Faith was His sleeping bag. Faith was His cabin. No sea could swallow His faith. No water could drown His faith. Faith was His submarine.

How can you and I have the faith which Jesus had?

Let the turbulence do all it can. Let the waves roll as much as they want. You are resting and sleeping in the centre of God’s will. That’s the power. That’s the faith. Hear and obey.

2. Know Jesus, Look At Jesus

“Who can this be, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

It’s obvious from the disciples’ remark that they didn’t know Jesus enough. They were looking at the waves of the sea, rather than looking at Jesus. They saw Jesus asleep. He was resting. Everything was in control. If only they knew full well Who Jesus was (is). If only they kept looking at Jesus, and fixed their eyes on Him, instead of the waves.

Peter had the same faith opportunity in another encounter (Matthew 14:25-31). It was another storm. Peter came out of the boat by Jesus' consent. He walked on water. Along the way, he sank, because he was afraid - having looked at the boisterous wind and he reasoned out within himself. He didn’t learn enough to fix his eyes on Jesus all the way looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)

Jesus did more than walking on the water. Let us learn from His life on earth from the very beginning until the cross when He cried, “It is finished.” Let us emulate Him. Let us finish our marathon race of faith. For He was the One Who designed our faith. And He was the One who made our faith workable today.

3. More Faith, Less Fear

The opposite of faith is fear. Your level of faith is dependent on your level of fear and vice versa. The more faith you have, the less fear you have. The more fear you have, the less faith you have.

So it’s a matter of getting in more faith and getting out more fear. It’s a matter of accepting and embracing faith. And it’s a matter of rejecting and denying fear.

What is troubling you? What are you worrying about? Fix your eyes on Jesus. Fix your faith on Him. Jesus will take you to the journey's end. It is said that it is the arrival that matters. It is the destination. Paul was shipwrecked. Yet he fulfilled God’s purpose for his life. He was jailed. Yet the plan of God flourished.

Do not fix your eyes on the storm nor the waves. Jesus was asleep in the boat. Know that you can rest in faith. You can rest asleep in the boat of life. You can rest assured that the storm and the waves are in His control. He is not a mere man that He should lie. He was the Son of God in that boat. He is the Son of God today, tomorrow and forever. He changes not.

God is calling his true followers to build their faith; so His true followers must learn to live in obedience to His voice, His leading and follow His example in dying to ourselves. This is God's response to my prayer for Him to help me build my faith. He wants and expects His true followers to hear Him and obey.

May your walk with God this week be one where your obedience can be seen, felt and heard and your faith grows in leaps and bounds.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Obeying the Lord

The Lord is working in me these days about being obedient. He is making me very aware of how many times He speaks to me about things I should or should not do in my life and I just ignore Him. Are you aware of this happening in your spirit life?

He led me to get Foxe's Book of Martyrs at the library last week; today I picked it up and so I started reading it. I was, needless to say, shocked (and ashamed of myself) to what extent believers in Christ have been tortured through the centuries since He came and was crucified for us. I always knew about martyrdom, but I guess I never thought about how many died long, slow, torturous deaths. Were you aware that the Apostle John was put into boiling oil and came out unscathed? Also, he is the only original disciple/Apostle who died without being a martyr.

Many died in ways, that when I picture myself going through it, that I'm just not sure I would be able to stand.

The Lord woke me out of a deep, dream-filled sleep tonight, and He brought this to my mind. He told me that this is why He has been telling me to do the things I have been ignoring. It is to prepare me for things that I may someday have to suffer. Have you, too, noticed how unpopular it is becoming to be a true follower of Christ: One who does not take part in pagan, babylonian-inspired traditions; one who does not follow the prosperity gospel preachers and teachers; one who lets Christ lead his or her life and dies to him- or herself and stands up for things that are godly and against things that are not? I have.

Have you ever made a decision to go against the mainstream? Let's say, for example, that you had been diagnosed with a progressive disease which required you to take a medication in order to function properly for the rest of your life. And then, let's say that God told you not to take anymore in order to build your faith. Do you know how many people would look at you like you were crazy; especially if it kept you from living a normal life? Do you think your husband or wife might actually resent it and lose respect for you? Would you be able to do it anyway? I think God wants me to prepare my faith for a time when I may have to experience hardship and who knows maybe some kind extra hard circumstances because of my christianity and this is how I need to practice to build my faith.

Think about this...What if God began to tell you to think about every morsel of food you put into your mouth? What if He told you that a time was coming when food would not be readily available and that you needed to train yourself to eat less and not to expect three square meals and a few snacks to get you through a day. What if He told you to fast and pray for a day or two or three instead of eating, could you do it?

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Messiah, Redeemer and Reconciler of Mankind, came to do the will of his Father God. He said that He did nothing of His own initiative but only the things His father told Him to do. Imagine that. His Father told Him to heal people, to teach, to clean out the Temple, to cast out demons, to take that beating without a word, to carry His cross without complaint, to be nailed to a cross and to die. While I'm sure it was not difficult to heal and teach and cast out demons, walking through life, your whole life knowing that you were going to be beaten almost to death, then nailed to a cross, pierced and die separated from God must have been enough to cause Him to sweat drops of blood.

On this Good Friday, let us keep these things in mind and focus on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2).

That's the message I am hearing from the Lord these days: build your faith, endure, trust Him, obey what He tells me no matter what anyone else thinks, prepare for difficult times when I will be called to show forth my faith and trust in Him. And then I hear, "and people won't understand or agree, Kim" and "but it's for your own good".

Lord, my prayer tonight for myself and for my brothers and sisters who love you is that you give us a fresh revelation of who you are and that you would give us a fresh filling of your holy spirit. I ask that you enable us to endure hardship with a true faith in your provision for strength and the ability to do all things with your help because you know how hard it is, Lord. We cannot do it without you. I ask that we would desire truth above all else and that we would minister to each other in true brotherly love. I ask this in your name, Jesus, and for your glory and honor. amen

Thursday, April 21, 2011

were YOU there when they crucified the Lord?

JOHN 19:1 So Pilate then took Jesus, and flogged him.

19:2 The soldiers twisted thorns into a crown, and put it on his head, and dressed him in a purple garment.

19:3 They kept saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" and they kept slapping him.

19:4 Then Pilate went out again, and said to them, "Behold, I bring him out to you, that you may know that I find no basis for a charge against him."

19:5 Jesus therefore came out, wearing the crown of thorns and the purple garment. Pilate said to them, "Behold, the man!"

19:6 When therefore the chief priests and the officers saw him, they shouted, saying, "Crucify! Crucify!" Pilate said to them, "Take him yourselves, and crucify him, for I find no basis for a charge against him."

19:7 The Jews answered him, "We have a law, and by our law he ought to die, because he made himself the Son of God."

19:8 When therefore Pilate heard this saying, he was more afraid.

19:9 He entered into the Praetorium again, and said to Jesus, "Where are you from?" But Jesus gave him no answer.

19:10 Pilate therefore said to him, "Aren't you speaking to me? Don't you know that I have power to release you, and have power to crucify you?"

19:11 Jesus answered, "You would have no power at all against me, unless it were given to you from above. Therefore he who delivered me to you has greater sin."

19:12 At this, Pilate was seeking to release him, but the Jews cried out, saying, "If you release this man, you aren't Caesar's friend! Everyone who makes himself a king speaks against Caesar!"

19:13 When Pilate therefore heard these words, he brought Jesus out, and sat down on the judgment seat at a place called "The Pavement," but in Hebrew, "Gabbatha."

19:14 Now it was the Preparation Day of the Passover, at about the sixth hour. He said to the Jews, "Behold, your King!"

19:15 They cried out, "Away with him! Away with him! Crucify him!" Pilate said to them, "Shall I crucify your King?" The chief priests answered, "We have no king but Caesar!"

19:16 So then he delivered him to them to be crucified. So they took Jesus and led him away.

19:17 He went out, bearing his cross, to the place called "The Place of a Skull," which is called in Hebrew, "Golgotha,"

19:18 where they crucified him, and with him two others, on either side one, and Jesus in the middle.

19:19 Pilate wrote a title also, and put it on the cross. There was written, "JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS."

19:20 Therefore many of the Jews read this title, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city; and it was written in Hebrew, in Latin, and in Greek.

19:21 The chief priests of the Jews therefore said to Pilate, "Don't write, 'The King of the Jews,' but, 'he said, I am King of the Jews.'"

19:22 Pilate answered, "What I have written, I have written."

19:23 Then the soldiers, when they had crucified Jesus, took his garments and made four parts, to every soldier a part; and also the coat. Now the coat was without seam, woven from the top throughout.

19:24 Then they said to one another, "Let's not tear it, but cast lots for it to decide whose it will be," that the Scripture might be fulfilled, which says, "They parted my garments among them. For my cloak they cast lots." Therefore the soldiers did these things.

19:25 But there were standing by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.

19:26 Therefore when Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing there, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold your son!"

19:27 Then he said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother!" From that hour, the disciple took her to his own home.

19:28 After this, Jesus, seeing that all things were now finished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, "I am thirsty."

19:29 Now a vessel full of vinegar was set there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop, and held it at his mouth.

19:30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, "It is finished." He bowed his head, and gave up his spirit.

19:31 Therefore the Jews, because it was the Preparation Day, so that the bodies wouldn't remain on the cross on the Sabbath (for that Sabbath was a special one), asked of Pilate that their legs might be broken, and that they might be taken away.

19:32 Therefore the soldiers came, and broke the legs of the first, and of the other who was crucified with him;

19:33 but when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was already dead, they didn't break his legs.

19:34 However one of the soldiers pierced his side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out.

19:35 He who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true. He knows that he tells the truth, that you may believe.

19:36 For these things happened, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, "A bone of him will not be broken."

19:37 Again another Scripture says, "They will look on him whom they pierced."

19:38 After these things, Joseph of Arimathaea, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews, asked of Pilate that he might take away Jesus' body. Pilate gave him permission. He came therefore and took away his body.

19:39 Nicodemus, who at first came to Jesus by night, also came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about a hundred pounds.

19:40 So they took Jesus' body, and bound it in linen cloths with the spices, as the custom of the Jews is to bury.

19:41 Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden. In the garden a new tomb in which no man had ever yet been laid.

19:42 Then because of the Jews' Preparation Day (for the tomb was near at hand) they laid Jesus there.

I am the thorn in your crown; I am the sweat from your brow; I am the nail in your wrist; I am Judas' kiss; I am the man who yelled out from the crowd for your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground....BUT YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY!!

For this reason you came. Because you love me anyway.

ISAIAH 53:1 Who has believed what he has heard from us? [1]
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
2 For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected [2] by men;
a man of sorrows, [3] and acquainted with [4] grief; [5]
and as one from whom men hide their faces [6]
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
and as for his generation, who considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
stricken for the transgression of my people?
9 And they made his grave with the wicked
and with a rich man in his death,
although he had done no violence,
and there was no deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;
he has put him to grief; [7]
when his soul makes [8] an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
11 Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see [9] and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many, [10]
and he shall divide the spoil with the strong, [11]
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.

He was CRUSHED for us. He BORE our sins. He DEFEATED death. He LIVES even now in heaven. He is STILL working on our behalf as our INTERCESSOR.

Praise Jesus Christ, He is risen. We serve a RISEN savior!! May His name be praised forever!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Broken Things

What does it mean to be broken? The Bible says that God will not despise a "broken and contrite heart" (Psalm 51:17) and that He is near to those "that are of a broken heart and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit" (Psalm 34:18).

When I think of broken, I think of several things: shattered or put into various or many pieces (not whole), and/or unable to perform activities an object was made for (inoperable).

And what exactly is "contrite"? Gesenius's Lexicon says very much crushed. A person who has a contrite spirit, then, is one who's spirit has been crushed.

Can you remember a time when your spirit was crushed? I certainly can, and I am sure we all have such a memory from our childhood, grade, middle or high school that we could recount, not to mention the ones from our adulthood (probably because kids are really mean to other kids and don't even think about their actions most times). As I ponder one such event in my middle school days, I can still recall how shattered I felt, how alone and like I had no one who really, truly cared about me.

Why would God want me to have a heart broken into pieces and a spirit that has been shattered? Because it is when we have been broken, shattered or crushed that He can begin to work in us to make us a new creation, a one of a kind piece of art shaped and made lovingly by the one true master carpenter.

Mark 6:32 tells us that Jesus was a carpenter. Carpenters can either build something from scratch or repair something that has been broken. When I think of a carpenter, I always imagine that they love the piece they are working on and are intent on making it a one of a kind object, or have a desire to restore it to a one of a kind state if it is broken.

When I think of Jesus' hands with their nail holes, I imagine that His hands are very kind and gentle and able to sooth and calm like my mother's hands did when she caressed my back when I was a little girl.

I have been feeling broken and shattered lately. I know it's my enemy making me feel that way. He hates it when men and women are growing in God, and he is determined to break us, shatter us and if possible completely destroy us and our faith in God. Whoever said that faith is easy was a liar. Faith that God loves you and forgives you for "everything" you ever did or will do in your life is hard; especially when your number one enemy is in your face telling you that you're a phony and a liar and God doesn't love you; how could when you're as bad as you are, and how could God forgive you for this or that especially when you just can't seem to get it right?

I asked my mentor once about why I constantly felt that I was hearing that I was unworthy and unforgiven and a phony. Her answer to me was that hearing those things are a good thing. It's when you don't hear any accusations that you should be aware because if satan isn't attacking you with this kind of stuff, he's very happy with you right where you are. James 1:1-3 tells us to be thankful for this kind of testing because it builds our endurance and our patience which when they complete their work in us, we become perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

So when you are feeling broken and shattered, put yourself into the hands of the master carpenter; the one who can fix any broken, shattered thing; the one who builds one of a kind art pieces; the one whose hands have nail scars in them, the one who was crushed and shattered for our benefit. He has healing in hands and comfort, peace and love in His touch.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Perfectionism and Pride

Okay, you can probably tell by the tone of my last several posts that I'm in a valley right now. My heart wants to be more and more like my Father, but my flesh is very, very unwilling. I am struggling every minute of every day to hear my Father's voice and to respond in obedience, love and acceptance of His plans for my life. Oh, but there are parts of me that are not happy about it...the fat, happy flesh of mine is quite content to stay fat and happy and is not willing to sacrifice anything that God is requiring of me. Needless to say, it puts a bit of stress and strife within me.

But the way of the cross, so I've been told, is never easy; so I am seeking God's help in focusing on the big picture - his picture - and trying to keep my mind on things that are pure, and good, and holy and true, and going on in faith that I am His and He is mine. I know I'm not going to get it right every time, every day, but this darn perfectionist trait I carry around on my back beats me up every time I fail in something. Perfectionism and pride, my two biggest enemies. I have struggled with them for years, and I know that God is telling me it's time for me to defeat these two enemies of mine. I am not perfect. As a matter of fact, it is only through His life within me that I even am able to have anything good within me.

I'm also learning that pride is a trait that is very bad, and it's one that parents are particularly strong about teaching our children. "Be proud", "we're so proud of you", "where's your pride"; schools teach it...Viking Pride; as a Realtor, I've always been oh, so happy, to list homes with "Pride of Ownership"!! It's everywhere. Pride was satan's downfall, and I certainly do not want it to be mine. Once you've learned to be proud, it's very hard to unlearn; take my word for it. God honors the humble, the meek and the poor in spirit.

One of my favorite blogs to follow is The Latter Days (the blog has nothing to do with The Latter Day Saints). Recent posts at The Latter Days have related to a project called The Fuel Project by Mark Fairley. I have watched quite a few of these videos, and in my humble opinions, they are excellent. If you go there, you will be A M A Z E D at what you will learn. I will not go so far as to say that everything He states is correct or perfect, but his theology agrees quite strongly with the Bible and christianity as I know it.

Here are several of the videos that I really found informative to get you started, and the one about the jezebel spirit was especially enlightening to me. I highly recommend these videos.

God's Master Plan

Plan A/Plan B

Ahab and Jezebel

The Jezebel Spirit

Monday, April 4, 2011

A Letter to My Father

Dear Father,

How can I say to you the things that are on my mind today? You are a wonderful father and you have always done what was best for me every step of the way in my life. You have blessed me to live in a land of plenty, allowed me to grow up in a family filled with love, and povererty which was good for me. You taught me as I was growing that I could do more and be more if I put my mind to it and my heart in it. You led me to church every Sunday even though no one else in my family went. Rain or snow, hot or cold, I loved going to church with you.

I know I hurt you many times when I had to toss off the reins and learn the hard way about disappointment, not taking your advice, and doing things my way. I'm sure I hurt you even more so when I didn't even consult you on the important things in my life such as who to marry, and what type of career would be best for me and how to be a mother; not to mention the small things like did I really need another pair of shoes, should I save my money or use it for someone else's benfit. I know you must have wondered about me and if I was going to ever choose to just be your child again. You probably thought I couldn't see how good and simple life can be when I was making it so tangled up and confused.

And so here I sit in my comfy big chair, looking out the window thinking of you and wondering what it is I need to do to cross that big bridge I put between us. You know how scared I am of water and I don't particularly like crossing bridges. It's raining; the down pours coming and going, the wind is blowing very hard, too; and every so often the lightning streaks through the clouds and thunder booms. But they make me think of you.

Father, I want to be that little girl again; the one who's eyes lit up when she thought about putting on her best dress and shoes and combed her hair and then put her hand in yours and walked with to church every Sunday. I want my life to be all about doing what you want to do. The things you do are ever so much more interesting and fun than the things I do.

But I'm scared, Father, because it's been ever so long since I really talked to you, heart-to-heart talking, you know what I mean. So much of what I say is so shallow or superficial. And I'm scared because of that water and bridge. And I'm scared that I won't be able to live up to what you want for me.

Please help me, Father, come take my hand. Help me cross the bridge and the water. Help me open my heart back up to you. No little girl ever felt as loved as I did when I let you lead me and I just held your hand and went along. Oh, how I want that now, Father. The world is big and scary and every day as I walk through life, I realize there isn't really anyone out there for me to rely on. Not unless you come back and help me over that bridge; then, of course, there'd be you...and there's nobody else like you for making me feel safe and loved.

Please. Can you hear me? Is it too late? Can I still be your daughter or do I have way too much time to make up? If I could just hear your one else has a voice like you - warm, inviting, kind, loving reassuring, firm, gentle, decisive, encouraging. In your voice is every emotion that can make me feel like I can do anything and am so deserving of your love. Why would I ever have been so stupid as to turn away from you? Will you forgive me for that? I am so sorry. Search my heart, see if I'm not telling you the truth and if you see anything dark or dirty or untrue in there, please help me get rid of it. I know with your help I can do it. I was so happy when I was with you, Father; I could just be me - silly or serious or doing weird cartwheels cause I couldn't really do them at all, singing in my best little girl voice to please you. I took delight in you. I want to do that again, Father. Can we, please?

I just want you to know that I'm here; waiting to hear your voice, or feel your touch.

...oh, my goodness, Father. How'd you know I was calling out to you, and how'd you get here so fast? Oh, my, Father, it's so good to be with you again. I love you, Daddy. Please don't ever let me leave you again.