I reached that place this morning on my treadmill. I reached down deep and praised God that He was giving me glimpses of His glory, holiness, mercifulness and His unfailing love. There have been days when I felt I was a sham; a useless hypocrit in the world of today's spirit-starved Christians. But something inside of me said press on; don't believe that. That is a lie from the pit of hell. So I would press on saying, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief".
There have been days when I have layed my head down and cried for God to fill me with His holy spirit because I felt so dehydrated from the lack of His water of life only to rise and think that He did not fill me because I was not worthy. But again, I would think you cannot believe that, Kim. You have been born from above, regenerated, and filled with His Spirit and again I would press on.
There have been days when I went to prayer and offered uninspired praise, thanksgiving and been unwilling to ask for anything because of my lack of inspiration. And yet, I would pick up His Word to me and read words like....God did not come in to the world to condemn the world but that through Him, the whole world would be saved and if you believe in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and confess such belief with your mouth, He is faithful to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (paraphrased) and realize that it isn't what I do or who I am, but who He is and what He has done, and I would press on.
Thank God for days like today when He fills my mouth with praise for Him, when it flows out of me like a river and then my eyes open and I see where He has lead me...to that place outside of myself and in Him where I want what He wants, love what He loves, cry for what He cries for, hate what he hates and longs to be with Him in His secret place.
When I began this blog, I (unbelievably) thought I had some wisdom to share, some joy, some knowledge, something to give to someone out there in the cyber world, but as I have written the Lord has shown me that when I let Him say what He wants to say, the words flow and come together and usually there will be at least one comment. When Kim talks, no one listens. When the Lord speaks, all hear. The question is whether or not they will heed what they hear. God's sick and tired of us thinking we have something to offer Him. I have nothing. I am nothing. I am a dried up piece of grass flying in the wind toward a barn fire if I don't have Him.
I only want Him, to do His will, to love the moments He gives me. Not the things of this world that will pass away. So savor the moment today when you know that God has gifted you with something special. It may be holding your child on your lap and smelling the sweet fragrance of their just-washed hair. It may be an excellent meal that He told you to fix and how to prepare and then you eat every bite like it was heaven-made just for you. Or it may be that spasm of weeping that you go through when you realize that you really are helpless in the stream of life that moves so quickly around you without the hand of the one who put the stream in place. But He is there in you, around you and everyone and everything else and when you realize who HE is, you won't be able to treat everyone and everything indifferently. You will open your mouth to let out the praise that He has given you and you will savor it. True life sent from the Father of above is to be savored; even the painful parts of life. As His word says in Psalm 30:5
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.