Lovest Thou These More Than Me?
This morning as I took my walk, I had a very good conversation with God. You see, the Lord has been speaking to me for, oh my gosh, quite some time now, about fasting. I had a dream that if I fasted for 3 days, I would be healed. I made it about 2 2/3 of the way there and failed. Since then, God has been dogging me about it off and on. I fast for a day, or a day and half or I start the morning and end up with toast and coffee before I even think about it.
So this morning as we walked, the topic came up again, and I start hedging with I've not been successful at this, I can't seem to complete it,.... and I thought what if I made lasagne (which I love) and God said, "you would look at it and say, 'do I love this more than God?'" What if I prepared steak and God said, "you would look at it and say, 'do I love this more than God?'" and ice cream.....? Same thing. It washed over me then, and I had to say in all honesty to God that that was exactly what I've been saying about food and so many things in my life. I love them more than Him. That's an awful "wash over". I love God. I thought I was doing so well in my desire to love Him most. I've given up shopping except for necessities, I don't have to leave my house looking like $500 any more. I don't have to be recognized as one of the best in my profession. I am striving to become less and less, and I've been asking Him for more of Him and less of me.
So I asked God how long I was to fast, and He told me, "until you know in your heart that you love me more than you love food". Food, people. I mean, food! Something that will go into my body, be digested and disposed of within 24 hours! Come on. Jesus died for me. He took scoffing, smirking, disbelieving, a tortuous beating, hanging on a cross (a horrendous death that sometimes took 3 or so days to accomplish) and "conquered" hell (I don't know what that implies but knowing that He's God and He had to conquer it doesn't make it somewhere I'd like to go and have to live with for eternity) so that I might live an abundant life here on earth and eternal life with Him in heaven. Love food more? I don't think so.
And if food is something I love more than God, what else is there that I take for granted, that, really, I am worshiping?
I am hoping as I begin my fast, that I will be able to ask myself this question about everything....how I treat my husband, my son, my family, my friends, my home, the internet....., everything must come under the Lordship of God.